Read confession
Sent to a friend[6334] Hey... I'm a senior in college
was not sure what category to put this in - I always feel bizarre about a word like "love" - but where else? No less... I have fallen for... haha... my teacher.And it's not weird in the sense that there's a HUGE age difference (he's only 30 and I'm 21) - I suppose just weird in the "teacher-student" sense. And he's only a temporary teacher (he told me)....
I think he has feelings for me too (I KNOW right?)
I should also note that I HAVE NEVER liked a teacher before. Ever ever ever. Never thought it would happen in a million years either. And this whole thing has sort of been a fluke...
I thought I would just indulge in a mini-crush on him at the beginning of the school year to help me get over a pseudo-summer fling that never came to fruition. Because there's no chance that a crush on a teacher would pan out - I would just see him during class - barely talk - I would leave - and that would be it.
RIGHT: THAT WOULD BE IT.
Though here is where the fluke comes in... (haha)
After the class I had with him, I would walk from that building across the street to the next building for my next class (there's a 40 minute gap between, but there's nothing else to do).
Oh, so guess who's office is also in that building? RIGHT.
What ended up happening is that we would walk together after every class to that next building and talk for 15-20 minutes. The kind of fruitful conversations, I suppose would be the name? (Me constantly talking about fruit it seems...)
These walks started with him actually coming after me the first time to simply ask me about my hat... (the funny, simple little things). Then he'd ask me what I thought about the class that day (he thought there was a weird vibe that particular day, I did not).
Though, it turned out he told other teachers that he thought I was brilliant. (and crazy hahaha)
That is how it started... and it was never meant to be anything. It just became NORMAL to walk with him each time after class. I felt very sad when it did not happen. (And yes, the conversations were more than just hats and the vibes of class that day.)
We have never discussed things as feelings... (we haven't done anything "sexually" either)
Though we have more than the usual "student-teacher" bond... If that makes any sense. It's scary... In the sense I'm actually scared about this.
I could go on and on and on about this...
The point is: I feel trapped.
I at least have class with him next semester (So this will be like a Phase II... haha) And I suppose it's a "We'll see" sort of thing.
I feel trapped and it is winter break now, and I am doing that thing in which I am trying to make it seem that I don't REALLY like him, or vice versa, but then when I add up all the evidence (I journal quite a bit), it's so.. ridiculous for me to reason that way. (and I suppose I am not doing well not seeing him, and my goodbye to him last I saw him was not all that great... ech)
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