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Sent to a friend My husband is a Pastor and he is cheating. I would love so bad to leave him where he stands..but I don't want to embarrass my children, and honestly myself. I look at him and I want to kill him. Everyone thinks we have this perfect life, so not true. Not to mention how the congregation would feel if this came out. I hate deceiving people....but I don't know what to do.Rating:2.75
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- You can't worry about what others will think. You already say you have thoughts of killing him. That is not good for you or your children in the end. Make the move. Have you talked to him about his infidelities? Think about yourself and the children. Staying with him can be more detrimental in the long run than cutting your losses and moving on. The congregation will get over it. Seek counseling for yourself and your children and God will do the rest. Peace and blessings to you.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS A PASTOR. HE TOOK THE SAME VOWS IN THE MARRIAGE AS ANY OTHER MAN. THE RULES DO NOT CHANGE BECAUSE OF YOUR HUSBAND'S OCCUPATION. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE IS THE PREACHER OR THE PRESIDENT, HE IS WRONG AND YOU ARE HURTING. YOU ASK THE QUESTION WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER, YOU JUST SEEM TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THE CONGREGATION. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE CONGREGATION AND YOU. BUT PLEASE BASE YOUR ACTIONS ON WHAT YOU KNOW FOR YOURSELF AND NOT WHAT YOU SUSPECT OR HAVE HEARD. WHEN YOU KNOW THE FACTS FOR WHAT THEY ARE THEN YOU CAN O-P-P! ORGANIZE, PRAY AND PREPARE AND NOT NECCESSARILY IN THAT ORDER. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
- WOW! SOME MAN OF GOD...NOTICE i SAID "MAN" WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. BUT THIS ONE NEEDS TO BE FIXED NOW BEFORE IT IS EXPOSED AND THE WHOLE FAMILY IS DISGRACED.
- pray pray and get some counseling...and talk to him about it if u have not... i agree as above in long run u may end up doing more damage to yourself and family if u stay and put up with this mess.... i say seek counseling first and go from there.... hopefully he will be will to attend also ~ GOOD LUCK
- first, and forsmost, i know that you have prayed prayed, and prayed again, but i say unto u sister, keep praying. but u have to be careful what u pray for.. but you know i know that u may feel that, ur lieing to the church, kids, and everybody else for keeping the secret. but God has already taken care of it,,, whatever u do in the dark shall come to light.. but please please, dont u cheat, because he cheated on u, u keep on beliving in God, its going to work out.... i love u, and i wish you the best shamekia... michigan
- black/ female age 20:Excuse me miss, but i think you should leave his ass, cause you don't want your children witnessing a cheating husband, and you have to protect yourself as well. And don't worry about the church, their not the one's who's gonna make you happy, you are. and besides it's the church he'll have to explain his actions to, so he'll look more like an ass. Preaching about the good word, but can't live up to it, God got something in store for him. Keep ya head up and focus on you and your children. good luck.....
- I just dont think he would be as considerate as yourself. He would probably divorced you so fast it would make you head spin! And then go on to marry someone younger, more beautiful to suit hes current desires. You must to what you feel in your heart is best for you and the kids. There's no easy way out am afraid. Godspeed!!
- OUT HIM AT CHURCH
- "OUT HIM AT CHURCH"
That's funny!!!! I don't agree but it's funny.
You are a pastors wife...surely you know the Lord well enough that you can seek Him. At this time you should be seeking God. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be a pastors wife. I watch my first lady and I don't envy her at all. I used to, but not any more. God bless you! - I never thought I would be in this position but i am a woman who cheated with a pastor of another church. What makes it so bad is that I am saved and I knew better. I have been celibate for 10 yrs and was saving myself for my future husband. Recently I came in contact with a man from high school who was my first love and a very good friend since childhood. It seemed innocent at first and then we began professing feelings that we never got over. However he is married and I should'nt have agreed to meet him anywhere but i did. We went out to dinner with some old friends and as the night progressed it was only the 2 of us. I ended up sleeping with this man and I feel so terrible. I never thought I would do something like that. I know i am in trouble with God. He kept trying to communicate but I don't answer his calls or respond to his emails. He has a church, a wife and a child. I have asked GOD's forgiveness but I think I need to talk to my pastor. How do I do this?
- I am a pastors wife and experienced this same problem. Only they were caught before the sex took place. First put your feeings a side, because we all know feelings change like the weather. Pray and seek Gods wisdom not everybodys advice. Talk with him and see if the marriage can be saved, place some serious restrictions on him, (no private counseling or meetings with the opposite sex). Ask God for strength to make it possible for you to still perceive him as a man of God. The embarrasement will fade away. Quit talking about what you want others to forget. If you still love him and want too give it another try, then pray that God would ease your pain, and when the devil brings it back up immediately pray. Dont rehearse it, nurse it or disburse these emotions. If you truely wont out, bow out gracefully. Dont hurt the members at the church by exposing him to them, because then God will hold you accountable for stunting their growth. If he is truely remorseful and God hasnt given you the okay to divorce, then ride it out and this too shall pass. This can serve as a testimony to somebody else,remeber all things work together for the good of those who love God, and are called accoring to his purpose.
- If you look on-line there are support groups for pastors wives who's husbands are unfaithful. I have learned over the years (being the significant other of a pastor for 12 years) just how incidious the problem is. First and formost it is not you. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband is the one in error. Often times the wives are looked at like they are the cause of the issue. The problem is not you. Many men who go into the ministry get caught up in the emotional/relationships that the develope with females in the congregation. The God complex, issue. First and formost realize that your husband is participating in relationship that he is the one in power and is the one to have the boundries in place, no matter what. I have found through research and councling that some men in the ministry are very insecure and they feed of woman who make the feel superior, were the females worship them due to spiritual misconceptions. Loving, kindness, the authority for god on earth. My experience is that the Pastor is always the one at fought. In the congregation even when it does come out about his behavior, often times the pastor is looked at like he was seduced by the other woman, when in fact it is he who seduced the woman spiritually. The woman believes that God brought them together, when in actuallity it was seduction by the pastor.
In your position I hate to advise but be concerened about yourself! Your children will be better off with a mother who loves then, then a father who speaks the word of God, while living a lie. I have seen it all, and lived it all.... The problem is with him, and often times it turns out that the man is narcasistic and basically cares mostly about what his wants are. Sex is very powerful, and in the hands of a pastor very damaging not only to the spouse, his children, the congregation but also to the victim of his attention and false love. If he truly loved God, you, your children, his congregation he would not have gotten involved. I hate to be so blunt. With years of councling, being in relationship to a pastor who had/ has the same issues it is an extremely difficult place to be. I am not married to him, but I do hurt deeply. Promises of marriage, a life in service to god, being soulmates, God design for our lives, those promise from my boyfriend the pastor were made when I was married, and going to him for councling on my troubled marriage. He was married also. After 2 years of working together and developing a friendship he confessed his love for me. We became involved, ended our marriages, caused a great deal of pain to everyone involved. Funny thing is that promise that was made to me was a lie. After 12 years, I now realize that I was just a way for him to get out of his marriage. Oh he says he loves me, but the same patterns occur time and time again. over and over again. So what do I do try to understand "sex addiction" try to be loving, pray and wait for that "miracle" that does not seem to come. 12 years later I am still waiting and as I wait I see him repeating the same pattern as he did in his marriage. How could I be so blind? Spirituality used in the wrong hands to victimize others, it is like your soul is being raped, and your mind is confused. No excuse except when I was in a low point he came in as the knight in shinning armour to save and rescue me. It turns out that I was the woman of the moment.
He will not change, I went to authorities within the church about other frightening behavior patterns, guess who looks like the fool.....
I carry so much guilt and shame for what I did, and what I belived, and the sick part about this.... I became the significant other, and I am living with the pain everyday of his constant betrayals, while he looks like the "man of god" and I know the truth.
I allowed this man to destroy me, and forget my relationship to God, he took that away from me too. - I saw a pastor I know out with another woman. At first I thought well this may be a relative until I saw the pastor kiss her. Now granted he was in another state so he probably thought he was safe, but it was shocking to say the least. I know his wife and I thought they were very happy. He really seemed to be into this woman. The way he looked at her I never see him look at his wife that way. Church family pray for everyone that is in this type of situation.
- Save yourself and your kids. Go to the church authorities and speak to them about what transpires in your home. Save yourself, and your children from being victims. Who knows once he is outed he may change, or he may not but at least you know that you did what you needed to do to stop the abuse to yourself, your children, and for other innocent vicitms.
- So very sorry for your pain. Betrayal is bad enough but when a spirtual leader falls it is worse. My heart breaks with yours and I'm so sorry. What a lonely postion to be in. No one to talk to. He is human and every bit as vulenerable as any man maby even more so. From my very limited perspective, it apears your husband has unresolved issues he has never dealt with. Deep soul wounds can neever stay hidden. They always end up being expressed or acted out. My guess, sexual addiction. It's not about you, I promise. Remember we have a loveing God not a legalistic one. You can trust Him to lead you and to walk with you through this. You are Abba's beloved and it's ok to consider your needs. Although you bear a burden for your church, remember that the church is not soley your responisibilty. The church is the father's bride and He will take care of her.
- Organized religion... go figure. You people are puppets. Give him more than missionary sex and maybe you'll have a better chance. Fucking hypocrites. You people act like you are better than the rest of the world. Come down off your pedestal.
- What happened to honesty?
There is nothing wrong with Christianity, the problem is "Christians". Your husband needs your support if he is willing to be helped. But he shouldn't continue in sin, it is affecting his ability to truly minister.
Christianity is based on truth, dont live a lie. You know better than anyone, the Lord is willing to help. - Pastor? Man of God? Bullshittt. Every man has a dick and we all cheat. Let the heavens fall.