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Sent to a friend My husband is a Pastor and he is cheating. I would love so bad to leave him where he stands..but I don't want to embarrass my children, and honestly myself. I look at him and I want to kill him. Everyone thinks we have this perfect life, so not true. Not to mention how the congregation would feel if this came out. I hate deceiving people....but I don't know what to do.Rating:2.71
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- You can't worry about what others will think. You already say you have thoughts of killing him. That is not good for you or your children in the end. Make the move. Have you talked to him about his infidelities? Think about yourself and the children. Staying with him can be more detrimental in the long run than cutting your losses and moving on. The congregation will get over it. Seek counseling for yourself and your children and God will do the rest. Peace and blessings to you.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS A PASTOR. HE TOOK THE SAME VOWS IN THE MARRIAGE AS ANY OTHER MAN. THE RULES DO NOT CHANGE BECAUSE OF YOUR HUSBAND'S OCCUPATION. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE IS THE PREACHER OR THE PRESIDENT, HE IS WRONG AND YOU ARE HURTING. YOU ASK THE QUESTION WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER, YOU JUST SEEM TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THE CONGREGATION. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE CONGREGATION AND YOU. BUT PLEASE BASE YOUR ACTIONS ON WHAT YOU KNOW FOR YOURSELF AND NOT WHAT YOU SUSPECT OR HAVE HEARD. WHEN YOU KNOW THE FACTS FOR WHAT THEY ARE THEN YOU CAN O-P-P! ORGANIZE, PRAY AND PREPARE AND NOT NECCESSARILY IN THAT ORDER. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
- WOW! SOME MAN OF GOD...NOTICE i SAID "MAN" WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. BUT THIS ONE NEEDS TO BE FIXED NOW BEFORE IT IS EXPOSED AND THE WHOLE FAMILY IS DISGRACED.
- pray pray and get some counseling...and talk to him about it if u have not... i agree as above in long run u may end up doing more damage to yourself and family if u stay and put up with this mess.... i say seek counseling first and go from there.... hopefully he will be will to attend also ~ GOOD LUCK
- first, and forsmost, i know that you have prayed prayed, and prayed again, but i say unto u sister, keep praying. but u have to be careful what u pray for.. but you know i know that u may feel that, ur lieing to the church, kids, and everybody else for keeping the secret. but God has already taken care of it,,, whatever u do in the dark shall come to light.. but please please, dont u cheat, because he cheated on u, u keep on beliving in God, its going to work out.... i love u, and i wish you the best shamekia... michigan
- black/ female age 20:Excuse me miss, but i think you should leave his ass, cause you don't want your children witnessing a cheating husband, and you have to protect yourself as well. And don't worry about the church, their not the one's who's gonna make you happy, you are. and besides it's the church he'll have to explain his actions to, so he'll look more like an ass. Preaching about the good word, but can't live up to it, God got something in store for him. Keep ya head up and focus on you and your children. good luck.....
- I just dont think he would be as considerate as yourself. He would probably divorced you so fast it would make you head spin! And then go on to marry someone younger, more beautiful to suit hes current desires. You must to what you feel in your heart is best for you and the kids. There's no easy way out am afraid. Godspeed!!
- OUT HIM AT CHURCH
- "OUT HIM AT CHURCH"
That's funny!!!! I don't agree but it's funny.
You are a pastors wife...surely you know the Lord well enough that you can seek Him. At this time you should be seeking God. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be a pastors wife. I watch my first lady and I don't envy her at all. I used to, but not any more. God bless you! - I never thought I would be in this position but i am a woman who cheated with a pastor of another church. What makes it so bad is that I am saved and I knew better. I have been celibate for 10 yrs and was saving myself for my future husband. Recently I came in contact with a man from high school who was my first love and a very good friend since childhood. It seemed innocent at first and then we began professing feelings that we never got over. However he is married and I should'nt have agreed to meet him anywhere but i did. We went out to dinner with some old friends and as the night progressed it was only the 2 of us. I ended up sleeping with this man and I feel so terrible. I never thought I would do something like that. I know i am in trouble with God. He kept trying to communicate but I don't answer his calls or respond to his emails. He has a church, a wife and a child. I have asked GOD's forgiveness but I think I need to talk to my pastor. How do I do this?
- I am a pastors wife and experienced this same problem. Only they were caught before the sex took place. First put your feeings a side, because we all know feelings change like the weather. Pray and seek Gods wisdom not everybodys advice. Talk with him and see if the marriage can be saved, place some serious restrictions on him, (no private counseling or meetings with the opposite sex). Ask God for strength to make it possible for you to still perceive him as a man of God. The embarrasement will fade away. Quit talking about what you want others to forget. If you still love him and want too give it another try, then pray that God would ease your pain, and when the devil brings it back up immediately pray. Dont rehearse it, nurse it or disburse these emotions. If you truely wont out, bow out gracefully. Dont hurt the members at the church by exposing him to them, because then God will hold you accountable for stunting their growth. If he is truely remorseful and God hasnt given you the okay to divorce, then ride it out and this too shall pass. This can serve as a testimony to somebody else,remeber all things work together for the good of those who love God, and are called accoring to his purpose.
- If you look on-line there are support groups for pastors wives who's husbands are unfaithful. I have learned over the years (being the significant other of a pastor for 12 years) just how incidious the problem is. First and formost it is not you. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband is the one in error. Often times the wives are looked at like they are the cause of the issue. The problem is not you. Many men who go into the ministry get caught up in the emotional/relationships that the develope with females in the congregation. The God complex, issue. First and formost realize that your husband is participating in relationship that he is the one in power and is the one to have the boundries in place, no matter what. I have found through research and councling that some men in the ministry are very insecure and they feed of woman who make the feel superior, were the females worship them due to spiritual misconceptions. Loving, kindness, the authority for god on earth. My experience is that the Pastor is always the one at fought. In the congregation even when it does come out about his behavior, often times the pastor is looked at like he was seduced by the other woman, when in fact it is he who seduced the woman spiritually. The woman believes that God brought them together, when in actuallity it was seduction by the pastor.
In your position I hate to advise but be concerened about yourself! Your children will be better off with a mother who loves then, then a father who speaks the word of God, while living a lie. I have seen it all, and lived it all.... The problem is with him, and often times it turns out that the man is narcasistic and basically cares mostly about what his wants are. Sex is very powerful, and in the hands of a pastor very damaging not only to the spouse, his children, the congregation but also to the victim of his attention and false love. If he truly loved God, you, your children, his congregation he would not have gotten involved. I hate to be so blunt. With years of councling, being in relationship to a pastor who had/ has the same issues it is an extremely difficult place to be. I am not married to him, but I do hurt deeply. Promises of marriage, a life in service to god, being soulmates, God design for our lives, those promise from my boyfriend the pastor were made when I was married, and going to him for councling on my troubled marriage. He was married also. After 2 years of working together and developing a friendship he confessed his love for me. We became involved, ended our marriages, caused a great deal of pain to everyone involved. Funny thing is that promise that was made to me was a lie. After 12 years, I now realize that I was just a way for him to get out of his marriage. Oh he says he loves me, but the same patterns occur time and time again. over and over again. So what do I do try to understand "sex addiction" try to be loving, pray and wait for that "miracle" that does not seem to come. 12 years later I am still waiting and as I wait I see him repeating the same pattern as he did in his marriage. How could I be so blind? Spirituality used in the wrong hands to victimize others, it is like your soul is being raped, and your mind is confused. No excuse except when I was in a low point he came in as the knight in shinning armour to save and rescue me. It turns out that I was the woman of the moment.
He will not change, I went to authorities within the church about other frightening behavior patterns, guess who looks like the fool.....
I carry so much guilt and shame for what I did, and what I belived, and the sick part about this.... I became the significant other, and I am living with the pain everyday of his constant betrayals, while he looks like the "man of god" and I know the truth.
I allowed this man to destroy me, and forget my relationship to God, he took that away from me too. - I saw a pastor I know out with another woman. At first I thought well this may be a relative until I saw the pastor kiss her. Now granted he was in another state so he probably thought he was safe, but it was shocking to say the least. I know his wife and I thought they were very happy. He really seemed to be into this woman. The way he looked at her I never see him look at his wife that way. Church family pray for everyone that is in this type of situation.
- Save yourself and your kids. Go to the church authorities and speak to them about what transpires in your home. Save yourself, and your children from being victims. Who knows once he is outed he may change, or he may not but at least you know that you did what you needed to do to stop the abuse to yourself, your children, and for other innocent vicitms.
- So very sorry for your pain. Betrayal is bad enough but when a spirtual leader falls it is worse. My heart breaks with yours and I'm so sorry. What a lonely postion to be in. No one to talk to. He is human and every bit as vulenerable as any man maby even more so. From my very limited perspective, it apears your husband has unresolved issues he has never dealt with. Deep soul wounds can neever stay hidden. They always end up being expressed or acted out. My guess, sexual addiction. It's not about you, I promise. Remember we have a loveing God not a legalistic one. You can trust Him to lead you and to walk with you through this. You are Abba's beloved and it's ok to consider your needs. Although you bear a burden for your church, remember that the church is not soley your responisibilty. The church is the father's bride and He will take care of her.
- Organized religion... go figure. You people are puppets. Give him more than missionary sex and maybe you'll have a better chance. Fucking hypocrites. You people act like you are better than the rest of the world. Come down off your pedestal.
- What happened to honesty?
There is nothing wrong with Christianity, the problem is "Christians". Your husband needs your support if he is willing to be helped. But he shouldn't continue in sin, it is affecting his ability to truly minister.
Christianity is based on truth, dont live a lie. You know better than anyone, the Lord is willing to help. - Pastor? Man of God? Bullshittt. Every man has a dick and we all cheat. Let the heavens fall.
- I have recently become privy to information that my pastor is cheating and has been known to cheat with other women that attend the church. My husband and I are not going to leave the church immediately due to us not being his judge. We are both close to the First Lady and I think she must know something due to the history in regard to his extramarital affairs. What happens in the dark will most definitely come to light . But I feel stupid for staying and will be convicted if I leave the church because of the attachments that i have come accustomed to. Anyways, I just needed to vent. Fist, please don't let that stress effect your children in any way. If you are going to stay with him then embrace the "business" relationship you have with your husband and take it for what it really is. i couldn't live like that for long but to each is own. GOD BLESS YOU AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU
- This is a sad case for everyone.W
- This is a sad case for everyone.I want you to understand that the enemy will decieve even the elect.People find themselves focusing too much on pastors no a days.Keep your eyes on God rather men,men will only disappoint you.Any man or woman of God should be held responsible for their actions here on earth.It's standing before Gods judgment they should really be worried about.As christians our faith will be put to the test daily.We are witnessing vile persecution here now as we speak.Stand up for whats right brothers and sisters.Yes we need our pastors to be the men they say they are.We need to also pray for them.Ask God to protect them,and show them a way out from the spirit of Jezabel.Read revelation 2:18-26.
- I am a victum of my pastor husband cheating with 2 of the members in the church. I am so pissed and hurt, and resentful. i keep quite bec I don't want to hurt my kids, but instead of him drawing closer to me he rejects me bec he says he got tired of my bitching and complaning. He is not effectionate towards me at all, don't touch me, no sex, but he says he loves me, yea right. you ask why I stay bec I can deal wit the pressure of the outcome, I feel out and was told I have converson disorder bec of pressure and stress. I want to leave but can't support my self or kids. I ask where is God, and I thimk about ow I worked in the church to help him and he thought nothing of me or my love. I don't enjoy church or hearing him preach anymore. I am stuck, and don't pray bec now I am confused about all of it. Pray for me, that I find me again and find God thru all this. Sign stuck in it.
- I am a female that has just discovered that the man I have been dating is a Pastor of a congregation of about 200-300 ppl.He aslo admitted that he is married .Now even tho we live in a big city this is a small world.We have been out in public I felt as he put both of us at risk and lives in danger.I asked him why tell me now? He says that he was tired of pplaying games and he thought that he was just going to be able to have sex and go about his buisness.But he went on to state that he really really likes me almost to the point he wish he wasn't married? That sounds like more bullshit to me.I really admired this man but I refuse to let this effect how I look at all spritual leaders!
- Unfortunately, men cheat. They can't help it. I don't say it to somehow to defend them. It is what it is. And the fact that he is a pastor and responsible for many people in his congregation will not change the reality that he is a man. If you feel betrayed and devalued, do not continue pretending that everything is ok. Keep your head high. You should love yourself and respect yourself. Leave him. No need to create drama. Trust me, he will be begging for you to come back.
- I must say that I hurt with you because I was the wife of a cheating deacon, he was also abusive. That was 20 yrs ago. And might I say if I knew then what I knew now it was help me to realize and understand more.
Pastors are more vulnerable to this kind of stuff as a result of the defilement from ministry. As a pastor now myself I know that when you minister and comes from under the anointing, the temptation is greater. As a wife become your spouse best friend and yes it requires a healthy sex life. When your husband has empty and pour out in ministry, it becomes our responsiblity as wives to be there for them sexually. Don't be afraid. Decide that you are going to take back your marriage. Plan a retreat for the 2 of you. Take him away and be the lover for him - If you wanted to leave, you would leave. Women kill me using their children to stay in a marriage with a jerk! Honey, you love the drama and the perks of being the First Lady. Get a life. Trust me, your children already know!!!!
- all i can say to you and some of the ladies who added their comments here,is that dont let the devil drive you or play on your head instead seek the Lord,dont run away from God,surround yourselves with christians. let God protect you and guide you through it all because now you are making the devil happy by being miserable,stressed,ect.seek the Lord and He shall do the rest besides, THE BATTLE DEPENDS ON GOD AND NOT ON YOU. pray honey.pray and God will do wonders in your life.
- Why should you suffer because of his sin and its only right for the congregation to know what your husband is dong why not get a few elders of the church and you and confront your husband this needs to stop by you not saying anything this will just manifest itself into something ugly.Remember that things we do in darkness will soon come to light than it will just be harder on your children
- SISTER, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE IS CHEATING ON YOU. SOME TIMES THE LADIES PASTORS CHEAT WITH ARE AGENTS OF THE DEVIL , SOME TIMES THEY CHEAT BECAUSE OF LUST AND OTHER TIMES THEY CHEAT BECAUSE OF THEIR WIVES. PLEASE PRAY ABOUT THIS AND I KNOW GOD WILL ANSWER YOU AMEN.
- If the marriage can be saved, that would be great. If it cannot be saved, biblically you have the right to divorce. On the other side of the coin, the congregation (as embarrasing it might be) desevres to know! I assume he preaches and councils on marriage? Could this happen with another woman in the congregation? He should be removed from his position but at the very least the congregation deserves to know the truth so they can decide whether or not they want to continue to sit under his ministry.
- First, I am so sorry for the pain he is causing you and your family. He needs to be "outted" immediately. If he's involved with any women within his congregation, then what he is doing is not considered to be an affair but is ABUSE. There could be criminal charges. Please take a look at this website:
www.thehopeofsurvivors.com
All the best to you as you determine the best course of action.