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Sent to a friend[7690] I just have to get this out
Ok, I\'m depressed and have been for quite a while. about 8 ago I had a a sort of very serious melt down due to things I don\'t even want to mention. I could have been hospitalized which is my biggest fear. I was suicidal and had attempted. I worked very hard to overcome and then found out my husband betrayed me that my marriage was a lie, was a lie from the very beginning, top it off with family issues I guess you could say I\'m quiet a mess. There is no one to talk to. Im so afraid. Im under alot of pressure and I don\'t want to unload on my friends. No one knows not even my closest friends. I\'m fighting depression I don\'t want meds, Im frusterated that I cant just get it together and move on. Ive isolated myself from people who I enjoy because I\'m afraid I won\'t hide this very well. I push people away doing whatever it takes to cause them to leave me alone. For the past I\'d say 3 years I have been very angry and bitter and I\'m becomeing a person I hate. But God, is so kind, He is with me step by step but I keep fighting dunno why. Dang my hip hurts from all that wrestleing. I\'m standing by my man but at one point sought out an affair but it did not happen. I began seeking attention from other men just to see if I were still even remotely attractive. Then It hit me like a ton of bricks. I\'d not only sunk to an all time low, not only betrayed myself, my husband my family, but had betrayed my loving Heavenly Father. I had strayed so far and by the time I realized it much damage had been done. I have forgiven my husband but I\'m still mad as hell. Forgave me and I\'m still mad aa hell. Reaching for my father the only one who can put all these broken peices back together again.Rating:5.00
Comments
- I wish you the best. I don't know how to tell people. My closest friend at the moment who has been through an abortion (due to sleeping around) has made my boyfriend look like a liar to one of his friends because she doesn't want to look bad. She has changed so much, I want to talk to her about when she was depressed, but she's so wrapped up in her own life and getting drunk that she doesn't even seem like a friend to me anymore. I hope you find someone to talk to.
- I wrote this not long ago, thinking of tings I wish I could let go of. Reminded once again how I hold people to high standards only to be dissaponted when they fail. I see the worst in them never the best. It's not who I wanna be. Oh God, please continue to work in me. A lady I know is trying to mess with a well respected man who unfofrtunately has "issues". I think they are messin around. I've seen em together. It's uncomfortable to see. Thing is its easy to be discoraged when uglieness abounds and think that God has let things slide. The truth is that we are each and ever one of us responsible. God is not indifferent. He truely does care for each and everyone one of us and we have th echoice to accept that truth or be distracted , to let satan win. When Im not in tune with or focused on God and all things good and His promises then I've chosen to lay the pain and humilation of that cross that sacrifice aside to focus on the absensce of God which is truely the heart of evil. Anything apart from God is evil. satan's hold on this world is so temporary. I'm praying for these two distractions and handing this over to the Lord. I will not fear if I have to confront the not lady like person. As for him. We'll see but my wise granny once said if you give a fool a rope he'll hang himself every time. Iv e seen that truth play out maanny manny times. I lair never can stay hidden. Justice will reap it's own. In the meantime I'll thank God for His infinate mercy and grace whilst keeping my eyes, mind and being all focussed on Him. T